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33 Articles

#12 – Transformers (2007) – Samwise Gangee Has Got The AllSpark

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Michael Bay is singlehandedly responsible for ruining this episode, in which Ben and Molly lose 143 minutes of their lives to the cinematic monstrosity Transformers (2007). Ben invents an effective but questionably humane form of euthanasia. Molly’s inability to distinguish white men serendipitously leads to an inspired recasting of a beloved ’80s property.

#10 – Barbie in the Nutcracker (2001) – Mocap, Mo’ Problems

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Ben and Molly perform a dark ritual to sacrifice 78 minutes of their finite mortal lives to the shifting, shapeless spectre of a film that is Barbie in the Nutcracker (2001). Ben astral projects for the first time. Molly endures a traumatic flashback to her Nutcracker performance days.

#06 – The Lego Movie (2014) – When You Lost The Magic

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After suffering through an unbroken string of terrible films, Ben and Molly find respite in The Lego Movie (2014) and admittedly aren’t quite sure what to do with themselves in the absence of searing psychological pain. Ben confesses to several heinous childhood crimes. Molly doesn’t know how to play with herself.

#05 – Barbie and the Rockers: Out of This World / Barbie and the Sensations: Rockin’ Back to Earth (1987) – The Sensations Are Cramps

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Ben and Molly Lamaze breathe through all 45 minutes of Barbie and the Rockers and Barbie and the Sensations: Rockin’ Back to Earth (1987) – for science! Ben devises the perfect murder for Neil DeGrasse Tyson. Molly struggles to cope with two intimate betrayals.